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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737412">saddest little baby in the room</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowstickbones/pseuds/glowstickbones'>glowstickbones</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ADHD, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced ADHD, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Self-Harm, Shuichi saihara has adhd, Suicide Attempt, very slight shuichi x rantaro if you squint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:07:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737412</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowstickbones/pseuds/glowstickbones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>his mind was racing and his heart hurt- shuichi saihara couldnt handle rejection, or what he registered as rejection.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amami Rantaro/Saihara Shuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>saddest little baby in the room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so hi, im not dead i just dont post a lot but uhh, me projecting my struggles with ADHD onto a character i relate to? more likely then you think!</p><p>THIS WORK CONTAINS SELF HARM, PLEASE DO NOT READ IT IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THAT AND PLEASE DO NOT PURPOSEFULLY TRIGGER YOURSELF WITH THIS WORK</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the crushing feeling in his chest, the constant feeling off being near crying- it was horrible. he wouldnt wish this on anyone, nobody deserved to feel unwanted all the time, or left out, or feel like a burden. </p><p>he understood why he felt like this, but it still hurt, it hurt so much. he couldnt stand the slightest bit of rejection, or what he registered as rejection.<br/>
shuichi raised his head as he sniffled, wiping away the little pricks of tears in his eyes as he pulled his legs up to his chest, placing his hand over his neck- it was comforting when he did that in a strange way- he read that people do it when they felt vulnerable and that something he sure felt right now.</p><p>he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get his head to stop running at a thousand miles an hour with thoughts. thoughts that he once again, wouldnt wish on anyone.</p><p>he looked over to the dresser beside his bed as he shifted. he really shouldnt even consider that- he was a year clean and everyone would be disappointed in him if he let go after all this time. </p><p>despite this he still found himself uncurling from his ball and opening the dresser. he moved some stuff out of the way before he found what he was looking for.</p><p>a box cutter. it had a blue handle, it was one of those mini ones, easy to hide and easy to use-</p><p>he found himself looking at it for what felt like forever. he felt sick, sick that he was going to do this and sick at the sight. </p><p>he still reached for it though, clicking the little blade up till it was peaking up from its casing. </p><p>he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he shrugged off his coat, rolling up the sleeves of his undershirt. </p><p>he needed to do this, it was a way he could control how he was feeling and thats all he wanted in the moment, was to control the feelings and this was the only way he knew would for sure work.</p><p>he pressed the blade carefully to his wrist- putting a bit of presser before stopping and gagging a bit- </p><p>he shook his head dropping the knife only to start to tug and pull at his hair, which soon turned into him hitting himself in the head with the bottom of his palm. it hurt really badly- </p><p>after a moment he let out a frustrated noise, looking around for where he put the knife.</p><p>it only took a moment to find it and he put the blade back to his skin.</p><p>he didnt even think about it this time. he pressed the tip of the blade into his skin and pulled in a sharp motion.</p><p>his breath caught and he shook from the sudden ripping feeling.</p><p>the goal wasnt to kill himself, it was just to get control-</p><p>he could do more without going to far.</p><p>he pressed the blade into his skin once more, the blood from the other cut bubbling up and spilling out of him. it wasnt deep, but it was enough to bleed-</p><p>he could go deeper then that, he knew he could.</p><p>he pressed harder on the blade, shaking as he drug it back in a slow motion- </p><p>it was much deeper then the last one, he could already tell that as blood pooled around the blade and down onto his arm, it mixing with the blood from the other small dripping cut.</p><p>he felt positively nauseous now, but it wasnt enough- a few more was fine, he could do a few more, couldnt he?</p><p>his fingers twitched and trembled and he pressed the blade back again and again and again-</p><p>he felt dizzy- why did he feel dizzy? he had only done four right?</p><p>he looked back to his arm in a panic-</p><p>it was more then four, way more then four.</p><p>his left arm was littered in cuts, some way deeper then he would normally go-</p><p>he quickly stood up, dropping the knife and gripping his arm with his other hand-</p><p>standing quickly was not a good idea-</p><p>he felt more dizzy but rushed to the bathroom.</p><p>he turned on the tap, putting his arm under it as his vision blurred and closed around him</p><p>it went black soon after that and he hit his head as he fell, landing with a loud *thunk*.</p><p> </p><p>        Rantaro had heard the thud as he was passing the other boys room- he stopped and gave a questioning glance to it.</p><p>he decided it was best to check on the other. he wasnt super close with Shuichi, but it was still good to make sure the boy was okay</p><p>he knocked on the door, it being followed by "shuichi you in there?"</p><p>he wanted a moment before calling out again.</p><p>when he was not met with a response for several minutes he tried the door-</p><p>it wasnt locked. </p><p>he stood there a second before opening the door.</p><p>thats when he heard the water running.</p><p>it wasnt a strong enough sound to be a shower.</p><p>he tired once more to call out for the detective.</p><p>"you in here?" he asked, his tone getting progressively more worried.</p><p>he turned to the bathroom and his heart stopped. </p><p>there he saw shuichi, arm covered and blood, it dripping onto the floor as the water ran from the tap in a steady stream.</p><p>he felt vomit rise in his throat as he rushed over to his friend, crouching down and pulling his head into his lap-</p><p>he checked for his pulse and felt so much relief when he found one- it was weak, but it was still something.</p><p>"holy shit- its okay, i got you, im here" </p><p>he placed his head softly back on the floor as he rushed into the main bedroom, grabbing one of shuichis spare undershirts, </p><p>he ripped off one of the sleeves, wrapping it tightly around his gushing arm before grabbing more of the shirt and wrapping it around it as a makeshift bandage </p><p>"youre gonna be okay-" he said as he pulled the still boy into his arms. he held him close, he was going to stay holding him till he could get the bleeding to stop, then he would try to wake him-</p><p>he wasnt sure what would have happened if he hadnt heard him fall- but he was so glad he had got here in time</p><p> </p><p>        it had been 30 or so minutes since the bleeding had stopped, and an hour since he had found him like this- </p><p>he made sure to keep checking on his pulse, he wasnt going to let him die here.</p><p>rantaros back was leaned to the wall shuichi still in his arms as he rubbed his back.</p><p>shuichi started to stir a bit, mainly just small twitches and flinches, but it was still something.</p><p>rantaro said nothing but he ran his hands through the detectives dark blue, almost black hair.</p><p>he waited a while before he saw shuichis eyes start to move around. his face being pulled into a tight pained look-</p><p>then he opened his eyes. he looked really out of it but he was still awake </p><p>"rantaro-?" he questioned, his eyes being unfocused, but he could see enough to see who it was</p><p>rantaros lips pulled into a sad smile as he pulled him closed. "yeah, im here shuichi"</p><p>shuichi looked confused a second before being hit with a wave of pain rushing over him, both from his arm and his head.</p><p>he let out a pained sound, eyes squeezing shut. "im sorry-"</p><p>rantaro shook his head, looking down at him. "dont be, im here now, ill make sure youre alright"</p>
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